Sorry I've been so slack over the last 10 days. It's been a bit hard to know how to put what I've been thinking about into words, but I'm going to give it a go.
I've hit the first part of this journey where my self confidence took a bit of a hit, and although I do know it's mostly in my head, it's been hard to deal with.
As you guys know I've been on a bit of a bulk the last 2 months, trying to put on a little more size before I start the next part of my work towards my show. It's been good to give my body a break from such a strict eating regime and I've enjoyed a tiny bit of variety in my food.
I have gained some good size, but have lost a little of the leanness I have been working so hard on. This really has started to weigh (haha) on my mind quite a lot. I'm the heaviest I have been in a very long time, and just hit 59kgs (129lbs) the other day. It's been extremely hard trying to accept I need this weight gain and it's only going to benefit me in the long run. I'm not used to seeing much less ab definition and really don't like the feeling of being so much heavier.
The upside, and what I'm really trying to focus on, is that this bulk has been really beneficial too and this has been reflected in both my size and an increase in my strength.
It's been good to see some width in my shoulders that wasn't there before, more thickness in my legs and glutes and more size in my back, traps and arms.
I'm getting stronger and hit couple of PR's on bench, 24kg (52lb) dumbbells on incline bench press and 75kg (165lb) bench press, up from 62.5kg ( 137lb).
I need this size now, because when I start to cut down, I know I'm going to lose some of this size, so better to start with more than less.
I'm looking forward to changing up my diet again and will post more about this as I start on the next stage of my prep.
xox AJ xox
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